Under my skin
by Scythewing
Summary: This is a short song fic...3 doors down (good they´re good)...Kai thoughts about life and death...


Okay. This is my first fic ever, so I don´t know how good it´ll be… So I just leave that up for you to decide…

Disclaimer: I don´t own Beyblade, and the song is **When I´m gone **by **3 doors down**

Under my skin

__

There's another world inside of me  
That you may never see  
There's secrets in this life  
That I can't hide

Kai looked down at the world beneath him. It was only 1 AM, so city was still steaming with life. He was standing on the balcony of their hotel room. Tyson , Max, Rei and Kenny were all fast asleep in their beds. And why shouldn´t they, he thought. They all had a normal life. They had family and friends, people who actually care about them. They didn´t have to hide who they where for someone to like them, the way he had to…

Somewhere in this darkness  
There's a light that I can't find  
Maybe it's too far away...  
Maybe I'm just blind...  
Maybe I'm just blind...

When he was in the abbey, he never gave up. The thought of giving in to death and the peace that would come with it, had crossed his mind several times, when he went through a extremely severe beating. But still he had never let it become more than a glimpse, before his survival instinct had kicked in. Now, as he stood looking up at the black night sky, he couldn´t seem to find the slightest piece of that instinct in himself. Even though the moon was shinning brightly down on him, bading him in the pale and fragile light, he could only stare into the dark depth of the universe…

_   
  
So hold me when I'm here  
Right me when I'm wrong  
Hold me when I'm scared  
And love me when I'm gone_

He couldn´t remember ever feeling the warmth of a mothers caring hug. His memories only consisted of pain and suffering. The scars he carried on the outside might have heeled, but the ones on the inside never seemed to stop bleeding…

Everything I am  
And everything in me  
wants to be the one  
You wanted me to be

He thought of all those nights, where he had lain awake trying to remember his parents, only to fail every single time. He wondered of what they were like, how his life could have been, and what he could have been like, if they hadn´t been murdered by Voltaire…

__

I'll never let you down  
Even if I could  
I'd give up everything  
If only for your good

How he hated Voltaire. How he hated himself. He was a cold-hearted, emotionless bastard, who only got people close to him hurt. He never wanted to hurt anybody, but when ever he was around, it always seemed to happen. Just when he was 5, he had taken Black Dranzer, destroyed a great deal of the abbey and killed several kids and adults in the process. He was a murderer, just like Voltaire…

So hold me when I'm here  
Right me when I'm wrong  
You can hold me when I'm scared  
You won't always be there  
So love me when I'm gone  
Love me when I'm gone...

Kai was now laying on his back looking up into the night loosing himself in the consuming black sky. He didn´t notice the bright sparkling stars or the moon. Only the dark seemed to occupy his mind. He was lost in the dark, and the little light of hope that used to shine in his heart and soul, had finally burned out. The little piece of hope that kept him going on, that kept him struggling to stay alive and not giving in…

_   
  
When your education x-ray  
Can not see under my skin  
I won't tell you a damn thing  
That I could not tell my friends_

Kai got up and walked into the hotel room and into the bedroom. He looked down at the four boys, who were all deep in sleep. Max, the never ending smile, was even smiling when he was sleeping. Why do they keep up with me? I always yell at them, and when they try to get to know me, I´m just push them away and ignore them. Kai walked out on the balcony again. He didn´t realise how long he had stood in the bedroom, just staring at his team members, but it must have been quite a while, cause the streets were almost completely empty…__

Roaming through this darkness  
I'm alive but I'm alone  
Part of me is fighting this  
But part of me is gone

He gazed down at the now silenced streets below him, then looked up at the moon, a peaceful look on his face, his hand clutching Dranzer hard. The air gently playing with his hair, as he climbed onto the rail…

Love me when I'm gone...


End file.
